Out of the Closet (a Destiel fanfic)
by SecretsAren'tTold
Summary: (the title was all I could think of, sorry lol) Dean is seventeen when he first has sex with a guy. Too bad John walks in... Now, years later he is sexually involved with Castiel, but they can't form any type of relationship because Dean is being held back by the memory of his dad's disgust and the beating he got for being gay. (This is my first fan fiction, don't be too harsh!)
1. Chapter 1

Dean has appreciated the looks of both girls and guys for as long as he could remember, but he's never acted on any feelings he's ever had towards a guy. Not after all the times John has made little comments after seeing a gay guy or couple saying, "That'll never be my sons," or "If people are going to choose to be gay, they could at least have the decency to keep it to themselves and behind closed doors."

So that's what Dean did. He was seventeen when he first had sex with a guy. Sammy had been at school at the time and Dean had skipped with one of his teammates. This time it was football. What happened between them had been an accident.

They were both in the locker room alone, with their lockers close together and Dean had been undressing when he noticed they guy, Jeremy, giving him eyes. Dean couldn't help but return the look. Before Dean knew what was happening, or who moved first, they were tangled in each other's arms making out and it had been pretty hot.

This has been going on for two months. Dean didn't know what had taken John so long to get home, but he glad, because for the first time he could finally explore the side of him that was into guys. He'd have done this way sooner if he had known how much he loved kissing a guy. Having someone as strong as him hold him, kissing him was amazing and he never wanted it to end.

"This where you live?" Jeremy questioned looking around. Dean wasn't in love with the guy and Jeremy didn't love Dean. Jeremy was a nice guy who took no shit from anyone and he had been nice enough to Dean when Dean first showed up for football practice. They were just friends with benefits. They made out, they touched, but they never talked about feelings. And of course, there was an unspoken agreement to never, ever let it out that they were messing around with each other.

"No, I just took you here because I'm too ashamed to bring you to my house. It'd be a disgrace," Dean smirked as he shrugged off his leather jacket, having just locked the door. The motel they were staying in wasn't as bad as it could have been. At least there were no roaches or questionable stains on the sheets and chairs.

"Way to make me feel like your whore, Winchester," Jeremy said while he also took off his jacket, his arm muscles flexed as he also tossed off his shirt. Dean watched him take off his belt as well before moving to him to start kissing his neck. Jeremy made a delicious moan as he tilted his head back.

"Well you are only good for one thing," Dean said and then they were kissing, this hunger and want took over Dean and Dean was shaking as he opened Jeremy's pants and yanked them down, along with his boxers. Jeremy was doing the same to Dean and when they were both unclothed, they moved to the bed.

"Fuck," Jeremy breathed, pulling back from Dean, just enough to catch his breath, Dean went back to giving Jeremy's neck attention. Dean felt an urge to mark Jeremy, to show that Dean owned him. But instead Dean just slid down Jeremy's body. Another rule, never leave a hickie.

Jeremy actually had a girlfriend, Dean hadn't of liked that, knowing Jeremy was banging a chick when he could be banging Dean instead, but Dean let it go. Some part of him knew he'd never get a chance like this again.

Dean sucked Jeremy off with Jeremy telling him what was good, what to do more of and always remember: no teeth.

After Jeremy was close to coming, Dean slid back up to kiss Jeremy. He gripped Jeremy's short black hair and kissed him roughly as he slid his hand down between Jeremy's legs. He hesitated, knowing what should be down now, but not knowing if he'll be able to do it right.

"Here," Jeremy breathed out, reached over the bed to where his pants were crumpled on the floor. He pulled something out of the jean pockets and handed it to Dean. It was lube.

Everything from there had been only slightly awkward at first, but then when Dean slipped inside Jeremy, it was sweet, sweet, Heaven. Dean's eyes nearly crossed from how good it felt.

Dean once did anal with a girl who was willing to try anything – sweet baby Jesus, it had been so fun to have sex with that girl – and knew how good it felt, but somehow it was even better.

Even though Dean was the one on top, Jeremy had his legs wrapped around the back of his legs and was gripping Dean's hips, pulling him at the speed he wanted. Jeremy was the one with control and if Dean wasn't already impossibly hard, he'd be getting hard right now from the fact that Jeremy was basically fucking himself on Dean's dick.

"Fuck yeah," the words seemed to be dragged right out of his mouth because he wasn't the type to get loud during sex, but now he was. Dean grabbed Jeremy's hips, lifting him slightly and sat back on his knees, dragging Jeremy with him as he tilted his hips and slammed hard into Jeremy.

Jeremy let his hands fall back and he arched off the bead, his mouth open in a silent scream. When he recovered he was breathing heavy.

"Fuck, Dean, don't stop!"

And with those words Dean pounded away, reaching forward to jerk off Jeremy.

They both came, Dean after Jeremy, and then Dean was leaning forward, and about to move out of Jeremy, when John came through the door.

Honestly, Dean rather it had been werewolf. Heck, he'd rather it be the demon that killed mom, come back to finish off the rest of the family. At least in that moment, because true terror struck in his heart as he watched John take in the scene before him.

His own son, balls deep in another guy who was covered in cum, at least his stomach.

Everything seemed to freeze and then suddenly everything snapped. Dean rolled off of Jeremy and lunged for his clothes, trying to put them on as quickly as possible.

Jeremy was also frantically putting on his clothes.

Dean handed Jeremy his own shirt to wipe himself up instead of putting it on. Jeremy gave a small thanks for Dean, looking at him in concern.

"Just go," Dean barely had time to whisper before his dad began shouting.

"What the fuck Dean?"

Dean jumped up and moved further into the room as his dad, eyes blazing, was stalking towards him.

"Not only are you not watching your brother, but you're fucking around with a fucking guy?" Anger and disgust like Dean has never seen before enters John's eyes as he continues to draw closer.

Dean raised his hands in front of him. "Dad, I'm sorry ok? Sammy's safe, he's at school."

"Shut the hell up! I didn't raise my boys to be fucking faggots."

One minute Dean's looking over John's shoulder to see Jeremy heading towards the door, the next his head is spinning. This is the first time John has hit him, heck, it's probably not the last, but it still hurt like a son of a gun.

Times when he got it really bad flashed into Dean's mind, it all involved Sam getting hurt or being defiant towards their dad. Every time Sam cursed at John and stormed away, it was Dean who had to answer for it.

It was always his fault of course, he had one job, look after Sammy, take care of Sammy. He was supposed to raise Sammy right. And when he failed, he deserved everything he got.

Still, though all those times mixed together didn't measure up to the beating he got for being caught having sex with a guy.

Jeremy at one point looked like he wanted to interfere, but Dean had shouted for him to leave.

Their time in that town and that motel had ended pretty soon afterwards because the cops had been called. Either it was Jeremy or anyone within a hundred miles that heard John beating the shit out of Dean.

Dean ended up in the hospital, John was sent to the police station, and as for Sam; well Dean wouldn't find out until later that John made a call to Bobby to get Sam since they were an hour away from where Bobby lived.

If only John had dropped them off at Bobby's instead of the motel room when he went off to the job, none of this would have happened. Dean would have never brought a guy home to Bobby's and he'd never be in the situation he was in.

Dean had spent two days in the hospital, with nurses and doctors telling him he'll have to take it easy and trying to find out if he had any relatives. Dean had kept his mouth shut most of the time, too depressed to talk. He felt empty inside and couldn't stop thinking his dad would leave him, would kick him out of the family and not allow him to see Sammy again.

It had been the biggest relief when John had snuck into his room, telling him to get dressed, it's time to hit the road.

John basically told Dean that if Dean wanted to be gay, he'd have to fuck off and go somewhere else to be gay, but once Dean promised he wasn't gay, that he was just experimenting, John nodded his head and after that it was never talked about again. And when they got to Bobby's later, they'll both lie and say Dean got in a fight with a werewolf, like they always say when Dean suddenly has bruises but hasn't been on a job.


	2. Chapter 2

"C'mon Cas, we could use some help here!" Dean ducked his head as he shouted out prayers and called Cas to come help them.

Sam and Dean were seriously outnumbered. Demons surrounded them and there was no way the tow of them would be able to take on all these demons.

Sam was currently getting his ass beat by two demon bitches and couldn't help out Dean.

Dean's hand slipped and the demon got the drop on him. Dean's legs were swiped out from under him and before he could even blink the demon was on him snarling and eyes all black. It had a knife in its hands and that knife was nearly plunged into his chest, but then there was a blinding light.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and turned away and when the light finally faded, he looked up to see Cas turning his back and grabbing two demon's faces, slamming them down the ground, lights bursting from each of them.

Dean quickly rolled the body off of him and jumped back into the fight, slamming Ruby's knife into the next demon he saw.

There was one demon left that Dean, Sam and Cas all surged towards, the demon, looking terrified, threw back its head and black smoke started to come out of its mouth.

Cas, having none of that, reached out and slammed the demon back into the body and then went and smite the thing.

When it was all done, they all breathed a sigh of relief. That is, until another demon came running into the room. They were in an abandoned factory building, and Sam and Dean had come in thinking they would find the missing teenager who they figured out had been possessed by a demon. Only when they busted up in here, there had been too many demons. Looking over, Dean saw they hadn't saved the girl.

"Shit," cursed the demon, looking like he was going to bolt.

Dean stared in shock as he recognized the face the demon was wearing. From the hazel eyes to the short black hair. Those arms of his were still pretty impressive, he remembered running his arm up and down them, remembers grabbing his hips an – Dean's face burned as he looked over to see Cas glaring at Dean like he was a kitten killers.

Oh, right, Dean forgot that Cas could read minds since he was an angel, or most likely he hadn't read his mind since Dean made him promise never to again and instead saw the look in Dean's eyes as he looked at the demon.

Shaking off thought of Jeremy sucking Dean off in the woods behind school, Dean surged forward to the demon. "Nobody kill this one!" He shouted to the others.

The demon backed up and threw back its head, black smoke coming from him and then the demon was gone and Jeremy was falling to the ground.

Dean was actually glad that Cas let the demon get away. He was scared for a second there that Cas would go ahead and smite the demon along with Jeremy just because he was jealous.

After getting it on with Cas, Dean soon learned afterwards how jealous Cas could get. It got scary sometimes, the faces and glares he'd send Dean's way, and even though they'd soon have amazing sex afterwards, it left Dean walking funny for a week, possibly more. They've only just started whatever they had, and Dean made Cas promise to keep it a secret from Sam and Bobby.

Looking at Jeremy, Dean was reminded why he didn't want anyone knowing about the part of him that was into guys. Ever since getting together with Cas, Dean felt like it wasn't a part of him anymore, but that he was full on in lo – he was full on attracted to Cas. It wasn't just a part anymore. It was like his gay side was leaking into his straight side.

He still appreciated women's body and liked to eye them from time to time, but now he was always checking out guys, which he had to be careful doing in case the angel popped up or Sam saw.

"Who is this guy Dean?" Sam asked.

"Yes Dean, who is he?" Cas asked through clenched teeth, causing Sam to raise his eyebrows in surprise.

Dean sent Cas a warning look – hoping Sam didn't notice – before answering. "I knew him back in high school, remember that time we went to school in this area?" Dean knew Sam did as that's all he could talk about on the way to this job. Dean hadn't want to come to this town, but Bobby insisted, saying it didn't matter, they were older now and could use different names.

"Yeah," Sam said looking at the guy closely. "Football teammate right? Or was it soccor?"

"Football, and how do you remember? I don't even remember introducing you two," Dean worried for a second that Sam had caught them doing something and just never told Dean.

"I don't know, I think you gave him a ride home one day or something," Sam said as Jeremy blinked awake.

He slowly sat up and Dean straightened, wanting to run away as Jeremy looked from Sam, to Cas, to Dean.

"He's awake now, we should drop him off and leave now," Cas said sounded irritated.

Sam's eyebrows shot up at Castiel's tone. "We didn't mean to bother you Cas, you can go back to what you were doing, Dean and I will help this guy get home."

"Oh, I'm sure you will," Cas said bitterly, crossing his arms and looking like he isn't going anywhere.

Jeremy was now looking at Dean with confusion.

Dean ignored Sam's odd looks and the tension coming from Cas. "Hey man, you alright?" Dean asked as he leaned forward to clasp his hand on Jeremy's shoulder.

Cas snorted and Dean wanted to do a face palm because Cas was totally being obviously jealous right now and he so did not need that shit at the moment. And not in front of Sam.

Jeremy cleared his throat. "Other than the fact that I just found out monster are real? Yeah, I'm good."

"Just know that anything the demon made you do isn't your fault," Dean said, and it was out of character for him to be reassuring, that was Sam's job. But this guy was the first guy he had sex with and that had meaning. Ok, if those thought ever came to light, Dean would deny them until the end, but right now it is how he felt.

"Na man, it's fine. I was just possessed about two hours ago. The damn thing didn't do much but rob and steal. He was planning on coming here to kill you guys those," Jeremy said looking around, his eyes coming back to rest on Dean. "Hey do I know you?"

Before Dean could say, no, they never met, Sam, big mouth, stepped forward.

"Hi, I'm Sam Winchester, this is my brother Dean."

Jeremy shook Sam's outstretched, but quickly dropped his hand and before Dean could react Jeremy was hugging him, tightly too.

Dean heard a fluttering of wings and looking back he saw Cas had made an exit. Just great, now he'll have to deal with a pissed off angel.

"Um," Dean began awkwardly.

Jeremy pulled back with a smile. Dean never seen someone look so happy to see him. "Dean fucking Winchester, I can't believe it. All these years I thought your old man killed you, you just up and disappeared…" Jeremy trailed off as Dean's eyes widened and he probably looked like a deer in headlights. Dean glanced over at Sam to see he looked extremely confused. Son of a bitch, Dean just couldn't catch a break.

"Sam could you give us a minute?"

"Uh, ok…" Sam was giving Jeremy and him an odd look before he walked out the room.

"Dean what happened to you?" Jeremy asked, still in Dean's personal space. Dean took a step back. "I went to visit you in the hospital you know, but no one knew where you had gone, and they said your dad escaped from police custody. What happened man?"

Dean shook his head, not wanting to have this conversation, but feeling bad for the dude. "Nothing, we just left town."

"So are you with someone now?" Jeremy questioned and Dean knew he wanted to know if Dean was seeing a guy.

Dean shook his head, feeling bad about denying Cas. Cas deserved better than Dean.

"So that weird angry guy with the trench coat?"

"Just friends," Dean said too quickly.

"Like we used to be friends?" Jeremy said with a smile and wink and if Cas were here, he'd have smite Jeremy for that.

Dean blushed and that was all the answer Jeremy needed.

"Come on man, just because what your father did to you, you shouldn't feel ashamed or anything. Heck the great thing about being an adult and moving out of your parents' house is that you get the freedom to be with who you want to be with, without the fear of your dad beating you up."

"So I take it you came out of the cramped closet you had yourself in?" Dean asked with a smile, trying to change the subject on his dad and remembering Jeremy once was more paranoid than him, getting a girlfriend to cover for the fact his friends thought it was weird, his lack of interest in the cheerleaders.

"That is enough of your flirtations." Dean jumped when Cas suddenly appeared beside him, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling him a little ways back.

"Cas," Dean shook his head, not knowing if he should laugh or pull away from Cas in case Sam came back into the room. "No one is flirting."

"He's communicating his sexual desire for you through his eyes and I do not like it," Cas stated as his grip on Dean's arm loosened.

"Hey man, I'm engaged," Jeremy held up his hand to show a gold band.

Dean was about to congratulate him when Cas interrupted. "It is true that marriage is a sacred bond between two people who love each other and is to be taken seriously, but over the years I have seen how humans treat such engagements and marriages. The fact that you are to be married means nothing to me."

Cas was probably referring to the time Dean had hit on a hot blonde who Cas had pointed out had on an engagement ring, but Dean still slept with her. It was before him and Cas got together, but Cas had acted funny towards Dean for a while after, Dean didn't realize till later that he was jealous.

Or the time Sam was soulless and going around and banging chicks in marriages.

"So what are you?" Jeremy questioned. Cas moved away from Dean instantly then, causing Dean to be confused until Sam rounded the corner, surprised to see Cas back.

"Bobby called to ask what's taking us so long," Sam told Dean, and before he turned away Dean saw something in Sam's eyes.

Dean didn't know what it was and he wasn't sure if he wanted to question Sam about it.

So he said his goodbyes to Jeremy and then Cas was gladly taking him home, before Dean and Sam hit the road back to Bobby's house. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and Bobby wanted help fixing up the place and making the food.

Ellen, Jo, Sheriff Mills, Garth, and Kevin would be there.

Dean was glad that even though he lost a lot of people along the way, at least he still had his small family.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Like we used to be friends?" He hears Jeremy say. There is a pause and Sam thinks maybe Dean is going to punch the guy in the face for saying something like that. Dean's probably glaring right now.

"Come on man, just because what your father did to you, you shouldn't feel ashamed or anything. Heck the great thing about being an adult and moving out of your parents' house is that you get the freedom to be with who you want to be with, without the fear of your dad beating you up again."

Since Sam was smarter than the average bear, he guessed Dean and the Jeremy guy had once had a thing, and John found out about it and…and put Dean in the hospital? That didn't make sense, Sam never saw John hit Dean in that way…or at all.

Sam knew his dad was strict, but he couldn't have been that ignorant, could he? Sam was just starting to realize all the bullshit Dean had to put up what with Dad abandoning Dean and a boy's home for trying to get Sam food. Sam just never knew how strict and even cruel he had been to Dean.

Sam couldn't hear anymore of Dean and Jeremy's conversation because his phone started to vibrate. Before it could make noise, Sam made a dash down the hallway, before answering. It was Bobby.

Memories of Sam waiting outside school for Dean to pick him up, hit Sam. He remembered having to stay with Bobby for a few days before Dean and his dad came to get him. Dean looking like he had been through hell, having a bruised up face, cracked ribs, and a broken arm.

Werewolf, it had to be a werewolf. Maybe Dean made up the story of being abused to get out of questioning.

No, Dean would have never gotten John locked up, Dean was too loyal.

Maybe Jeremy had witnessed it?

Sam made it his life mission to find out.

"Hey Bobby," Sam answered, listening patiently to Bobby chewing him out about them taking so long with the case and they'd better be back to help him and Ellen with making Thanksgiving dinner.  
"Yes sir, we're just finishing up."

"Good, I aint got all year boy," And with that, Bobby hung up.

Sam wanted to question Bobby about all those years ago and tell Bobby his suspicions, but he figured Dean wouldn't appreciate others knowing his business. It was up to Dean to tell Bobby when he wanted to. But since Sam was his brother, he'd find out the truth on his own.

"What the hell Cas?" Dean angrily shouted. Dean had been filling his baby up with gas and bickering with Sam when Cas popped up in front of him. The next thing Dean knew, he was in decent looking motel room, alone, with an angry angel.

Cas crossed his arms over his chest as he glared at Dean. It was the same look he had given Dean when Dean planned to tell Michael yes. Dean thought he'd never see that look again. Expect now Cas also had an jealousy spark in his look, along with the disappointment and anger.

"Who was that man? I assume you know him well."

"Is this what this is about? C'mon Cas that was years ago! I never even knew angels existed back then! You can't be mad about that. Now zap me back before Sam thinks something happened."

Cas glared some more at Dean before disappearing.

Dean gave a huge sigh, thinking Cas left him to find his own way back. Dean wanted to be mad, but to be honest he liked that Cas was jealous. It showed that Cas actually cared enough to be jealous. It wasn't something Dean was used to. And Dean loved to ruffle up Cas's feathers every now and then. Cas wasn't big on showing emotions, so what little emotions Dean got out of him was thrilling.

Just as Dean was about to head for the door, Cas appeared right in front of him.

"I told Sam to head home and that you will be joining him later. Don't worry, I told him that I needed some help with something, I'm sure you can think of a good lie when you head back," Cas spoke as he started to take off his coat and tie.

Dean raised an eyebrow, seeing where this was going. "I gotta tell you man, if you keep rewarding me with sex everything I get you jealous, I'm going to start having to flirt more."

Dean had only been teasing, but Cas froze, his eyes lowering before snapping up to meet Dean's.

Dean gulped and bit his lip as he remembered last time Cas got jealous. The sex afterwards was rough and satisfying, but had led to Dean wincing the next few times he sat down.

Sam had looked at Dean weird and was about to ask something, but luckily Jo had come busting through the door, looking like she had been dragged through Hell, and demanded their help with a nest of vamps. The distraction had caused Sam to forget about Dean's reaction to having to sit down, which Dean was grateful for. Not only was Dean gay, but he was a bottom. What could be worse than that, added to the fact that he was an angel's bitch?

If John were alive, he'd be disgusted. All his life Dean only wanted to be and do what his Dad wanted him to be and do and yet somehow he ended up being a disappointment.

"That would be very unwise Dean," Cas growled, reached out and grabbing the front of Dean's shirt, smashing their lips together. "I can't promise I won't do something irrational next time."

"Cas…"Dean reached out and cupped Cas's cheek. "You know I only want you. Just you." Dean wasn't very good at the chick-flic-moments, but the look on Castiel's face every time Dean said something girly was worth the awkward feelings. Dean would do anything he'd never normally do to make Cas happy because Cas meant a lot to Dean. Dean was hit with fear when the word "love" popped up into his mind.

Men don't love other men, not like that, his mind wanted to protest, his whole being wanted to fight his emotions for Cas.

"Dean…"Cas leaned into his touch and loosened his hold on Dean's clothes, inside slipping his hands underneath Dean's coat, sliding it off. "You aren't tired of me are you Dean?" Cas whispered brokenly as he leaned his head on Dean's shoulder.

Dean blinked in surprise. Cas has never showed fear of Dean not returning his feeling or anything like that. Not even when they first got together and Dean tried to fight it his attraction to the angel. Cas was actually the one who told Dean that he knew Dean felt the same way and he needed to stop trying to fight against it.

"Cas, how could I ever get tired of you?" Dean whispered, wrapping his arms around the angel. "It's not possible," Dean stated firmly, pressing a kiss onto Castiel's forehead. All thoughts of being girly and how being with another man was wrong, flew right out of Dean's head as Cas leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips.

The kiss turned fierce and soon Cas had Dean pinned to the wall. "You're mine," Cas growled before claiming Dean's lips again. It seemed Cas hadn't forgotten about the Jeremy incident.

"Yours," Dean agreed, his cheeks heating at how hard he already was when Cas hadn't even touched him yet. God, he felt like such a teenage boy again. How had Cas managed to get such a reaction out of him like this? Cas was like Dean's drug that he just couldn't get enough of, didn't want to either.

"Did he ever make you feel as good as this," Cas demanded an answer as he bit Dean's lip and slid his hand down Dean's pants and rubbed Dean's hard on.

Dean shook his head and panted as Cas started licking, kissing and nibbling on his neck. Cas knew all the right buttons to push. He knew just how Dean liked it as if they've been sleeping together way longer. Dean figured it had something to do with Cas rebuilding Dean.

"Couldn't hear you," Cas gripped Dean's hips and pulled forward, rubbing his own hips into Dean's, causing both of their hard on to rub together. Dean was glad that he wasn't the only one affected.

"N-no, no one has ever made me feel this good baby," Dean muttered against Castiel's neck as the friction between them grew. "P-please Cas!" Dean cried out as Cas slipped his hand to Dean's zipper.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief as Cas yanked down Dean's pants and boxers, causing his member to spring free. But the sigh turned into a groan as Castiel's cool hands gripped him. Dean started to jerk his hips forward, fucking Castiel's hand as Cas twisted and pulled, moving just how Dean liked it.

Precum was starting to drip from Dean's dick as Cas slid to his knees. Dean reached down and lightly ran his thumb over Castiel's bottom lips, admiring his talented lips. Getting blowjobs by the angel was heaven.

Dean felt like he was going to fall apart as Cas leaned forward and started lapping up Dean's cum with his tongue, reminding Dean of a kitten licking up milk. "Cas," Dean growled. "Stop being such a damn tease and – " Dean sucked in a quick breath as Cas sucked Dean into his mouth. "Fuck you," Dean whined as he gripped the hair on the back of Castiel's head, trying very hard not to start bucking his hips to push his dick more into Castiel's warm and moist mouth.

Looking down, Dean saw Cas looking up at him with eyes sparkling in amusement as he started bobbing his head, finding a rhythm.

"Fuck, Cas, sorry," Dean whispered as he forced his hips to stay still. They had bucked forward as if they had a mind of their own and it caused Cas to gag slightly.

"Dean," Cas said, pulling back to glare at him, but using a hand to stroke Dean painfully slow. "You really need to learn self-control."

Dean groaned, and then pouted down at the angel. "Please baby, don't stop."

Cas smirked at Dean's desperate look. "Maybe I should just leave you like this. You could go find Jeremy," Cas looked down and stared at Dean's dick that he was still stroking, starting to speed up his hand. "I'm sure he'd be happy to finish you off."

Dean paled at the thought of Cas really leaving him like this. It's happened before and it aint pretty.

"No Cas," Dean groaned, running his fingers in Castiel's hair. "No," he shook his head. "I don't want him. It's you or nobody."

"Good," Cas smiled up at Dean and as a reward, Cas started to suck Dean back into his mouth and soon finished Dean off, swallowing all of Dean's cum, even licking his lips where some had fallen in the corner of his mouth.

"Mmm, salty," Cas murmured with a small smile and if Dean hadn't already finished and if he wasn't trying to catch his breath from the high he was coming down from, he'd want to fuck Cas into the floor. Dean wasn't always a bottom, sometimes when Cas got cocky and teased Dean too long, Dean felt it's his place to knock Cas down a peg or two and have the angel spluttering out apologizes as Dean fucks into him.

But now wasn't one of those times, as Cas was on his feet, shoving Dean back into the bed.

"Turn over," Cas commanded of Dean, no longer sounding playful. Dean shivered, feeling extremely turned on. Cas's hand slipped underneath the shirt that Dean was still wearing, shoving it all the way up until it was bunched up under his armpits.

"Mmm," Cas hummed as he started stroking Dean's back and ass. "This is all mine," Cas said softy as he started trailing kisses down Dean's spine and to his ass. Using his hands, Cas spread Dean's ass cheeks, and Dean gasped in arousal as he felt Cas's tongue licking at his hole. Dean still wasn't used to this particular action during sex and it always made him flush and feel awkward at first because, come on, who thinks about a person liking their asshole and gets off on it? Not Dean, but once Cas started doing it to him, Dean found just how good it was, all thoughts of hygiene and wrongness flew out the window as Cas worked his expert tongue on Dean.

Soon Cas was pushing a finger inside of the hunter, something cool and wet on his fingers. Dean knew Cas always carried a small bottle of lube in his trench coat, he had even before having sex with Dean.

Once during a case and while fighting a witch, Cas had dropped a small bottle out of his coat, before he could retrieve it, Dean had grabbed it and saw the lube bottle half empty. That's when Dean had realized his feeling for Cas, because in that moment he saw red. Seeing that Cas had been using the lube, and must have been using it on somebody, had caused jealously and possessiveness to surge within the hunter.

When he had confronted Cas later, Cas had said he was just practicing and when Dean asked what for, the angel have shoved him up against a wall and kissed the hunter like it was the last thing he'd be able to do in this world.

"Cas," Dean now moaned as Cas slipped in a second finger, curling it so it would hit his prostate. Dean's hips jerked forward and a moan was ripped from his throat.

"Hands and knees Dean," Cas ordered, sounding breathless.

Dean obeyed without question, willing to jump off a damn bridge if the angel asked him to in that moment.

When Dean pushed up onto his hand and knees, he arched his back and leaned down, the angel grabbed his hips with trembling hands. "Ready?" Cas questioned, rubbing the head of his dick against Dean's entrance.

"Yes, please Cas, fuck me!" The sentence was barely out of his mouth with Cas slammed into Dean, pushing in all the way.

Both men moaned and Cas leaned forward onto Dean for a few seconds before straightening back up and pulling back, only to slam back in. Over and over he pounded into Dean with Dean pushing back against Cas, loving the way Cas made him feel. Dean's eyes felt like they crossed when Cas repositioned his hips and slammed in harder, hitting Dean's prostate.

"CAS!" Dean shouted, his breath coming out in pants, "Yes, yes, yes…" Dean was babbling now as Cas kept hitting spot just right, leaning down to bite and kiss Dean's neck.

"No one other than I will ever make you feel like this Dean, remember that," Cas grounded out as he slammed over and over into him with no mercy.

"Yes, yes, yes! No one else!" Dean shouted in agreement, letting his head fall. Cas wasn't having any of that though, because a moment later he was gripping Dean's hair and tugging. Dean huffed and moaned as Cas fucked him roughly while sucking on his neck.

"Mine!" Cas groaned out as he slammed in once, twice more before cum was being shot into Dean's ass. The wetness feeling weirdly good inside of Dean. Cas let go of Dean's hair and Dean let his head drop onto his arms.

The angel hummed as they both feel flat onto the bed, Cas satisfied while Dean felt his dick hard again. Cas was always doing this. Always finishing Dean first before fucking Dean and by the time he was done, Dean was feeling hard again.

Cas was behind Dean, kissing his neck and Dean couldn't help but push his ass back against Cas, rubbing against his now soft dick.

Cas was smiling into his neck now.

"You always do this on purpose, don't you?" Dean growled as he tried to stroke his hard on, but Cas had pushed Dean's hand away from the hunter's own dick, instead twining their hands together and placing it on Dean's hip. "Why?" Dean moaned, feeling like a child that's been denied playing with his own toys.

"Dean," Cas said, blowing onto Dean's neck and nibbling his ear. "You don't have to do that, all you have to do is ask nicely and I'll do it for you."

That's right, even after sex, Cas wanted Dean to beg and plead to be allowed release. It was frustrating and fucking hot.

"Cas please," Dean whined, blushing hotly because he couldn't help but think he sounded like such a girl and was acting like a bitch in heat as he wiggled back more into Castiel. "I want – I need you to touch me, make me feel good. Please, finish me," Dean begged, saying the words he knew Cas liked to hear. "I won't ever even look in the direction of males again, I promise, just please!" Dean tensed and then moaned as Castiel's hand came to wrap around his swollen dick, moving his hand up and down in lazy movements, causing Dean to hiss. "Dammit Cas! You had your fun! Just please!" Dean's voice nearly broke as Cas showed him mercy and tightened his grip and moved his hand faster, twisting his wrist as he moved up Dean's length.

"Do you like this Dean? Do you like what we have?" Cas asked against his neck.

"Fuck yes!" Dean hissed as he bucked into the angel's hand. "Don't stop!"

Cas stopped talking and instead focused on what he was doing with his hand and the room filled up with noises coming from Dean and the sound of his dick being beaten off.

"Cas!" Dean cried out as he came into the angel's hand. Cas stroked his softly as cum shot from Dean's dick and then pulled back as he knew Dean's dick was now feeling sensitive.

They laid there in silence as Dean's breathing got back to normal and Castiel pulled Dean further back into him, one hand laying possessively on Dean's hip.

"We should get back, you know, before we worry the others," Dean said, hating that these moments didn't last forever. He was about to pull away when Cas tightened his grip on Dean, refusing to let him go. "Come on Cas, you know we have to get back sometime."

"Ok, but first, you didn't ask me."

Dean turned in Castiel's arms to face him. He stroked Cas's face and the angel's eyes fluttered closed. "Ask what?" Dean asked confused.

"If I like what we have."

The hunter froze at the angel's words. Fear gripped him in its clutches and his heart dropped down to his stomach. Worry gnawed at him as he whispered, "Do you?" Because Dean has never asked Cas for his feeling on their relationship, had never asked the angel if he even liked Dean, always assuming they were on the same page, but what if it was the angel was getting tired of him? What if Cas was getting bored or wanted to be with someone else? God, what if he already found someone else?

Dean didn't think he could take it if the angel betrayed him. Not again. The last time the angel lied and went behind Dean's back and worked with Crowley, Dean nearly lost it. It had hit Dean right in the heart when he realized the angel was going behind his back. When Cas visited Dean at Bobby's while everyone was sleeping, Cas had tried to explain, but that was then, and Dean needed to snap back to reality because Cas's face twisted in sadness.

"Yes, but as selfish as this sounds, I want more Dean. I don't want to be someone who you hide. I want to reach out and hold your hand or step closer to you whenever others look at you as if they want you. I want people to know you are mine. I just…why must we hide Dean? What we are doing, it's not wrong."

Dean sighed in relief, Cas still wanted him, that's all that mattered. "You know why Cas, what we have - it's, well it's wrong – " Dean bit his lip as the words slipped out.

"Wrong?" Cas whispered harshly. "You think what we have, what we feel for each other is wrong?"

The hunter blinked. "What do we feel for each other Cas?" He asked, wanting to hear how Cas felt about him.

The angel's face softened. "I-I love you Dean," Cas admitted, biting his bottom lip.

Dean's heart soared and he was both happy and terrified at Castiel's confession. Castiel, Angel of the Lord, loved Dean Winchester.

"Cas, I – I," But Dean couldn't say it back. The angel was watching Dean's expression, waiting with hope in his eyes for the words to be said back to him. But how could Dean tell him? This all was feeling way too real. Sex Dean could handle. It was sex! But actually having feelings, actually loving and wanting to spend the rest of his life with another man?

John's disgusted face popped up in Dean's mind and Dean remembered the beating he got. If being gay was so ok, then why had his dad wanted to beat it out of him? Why had his dad looked at him with fear and disgust as if he was terrified of the thought that his son liked dick?

"I see," Cas's voice was cold and empty, no emotion showed on his face as he pulled back. Within a blink of an eye Cas was fully clothes again and so was Dean.

"Cas – "

Cas whipped his head around and pinned Dean with a look. "Don't. Just don't. It's my fault, I shouldn't have fallen in love with a man who I know is disgusted with me, because I have a dick," Cas shook his head and snorted.

Dean's throat closed up and it felt like he had just swallowed a fist full of clay. If what Cas said was true and Dean acted disgusted and shamed at what they did and a Cas, then the way he was treating Cas was no better than how his dad had treated him.

This whole time he had been hiding Cas, hurting Cas by denying his feelings for him. God, Dean felt so selfish, but there was nothing he could do. The thought of telling Bobby, or oh god, Sam, was just too much, he felt too embarrassed. He couldn't even think about telling them!

"I won't let you use me anymore. I-I can't! I can't allow us to fuck and then you go and flirt with women at bars to keep up your front in front of Sam!" Cas shoot up off the bed and stood with his shoulder tensed. "I feel like a toy for you to get off on and then leave broken and dirty on the floor until the next time you feel the need to use again."

"Cas, man, I'd do anything for you. You wanted to top? Fine I let you be on top. You want me to take a week off from hunting and go to Paris with you? Fine, I did that too! You want me to stop the Apocalypse again? No problem, I'll do that for you! You want me to stop what I'm doing to come suck you off? I'll do it! Heck, I'd even let you dress me up in a dress and paint my nails if that's what you wanted as long as it's in private. Just please, Cas, don't mess this up, don't do this to me, don't ask this of me," Dean begged, feeling desperate as he moved to hug Cas from behind, holding him tight, hoping Cas would never leave him. Not like this. Dean never allowed himself to think about a future with Cas, but now he was afraid to have one without the angel.

"Do you love me Dean?" the angel asked softly.

Dean tensed. "I- I" God why was it so hard to say?!

"That's fine," Cas whispered. "If you don't that's fine, I can handle that, people learn to love over time, everyone falls in love at their own pace, but I'm sorry Dean, I can't hide it anymore."

"Cas…" Dean stepped back, shaking his head. "This is the only way, I'm sorry." Dean said, his heart clenched and unwanted tears burned in his eyes as he tried to hold them back. He wanted to yell at Cas for messing this all up, but he knew it was all on him. The hunter realized how much of a coward he was.

"I'm sorry too Dean," Cas's voice seemed to break and before Dean knew it, the angel was tapping his forehead and he was in Bobby's guest room, alone, the sound of fluttering wings stinging his ears as he hoped it wouldn't be the last time he heard that noise.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean did in fact think up of a good lie, or at least he hoped he did. At least Sam didn't question where he'd been. But Sam did question where Cas was.

Dean shrugged. "Who knows where he gets off to?"

"Maybe he has a lover somewhere that he goes to visit," Sam suggests and the thought of Cas going off to some place to visit another person, one who was willing to show Cas off to the world, had Dean clenching his fists.

"Yeah maybe," Dean said, trying to make his voice sound uninterested.

"You know, I always thought he had a crush on you," Sam said absently.

Dean watched Sam mixing the mashed potatoes, instant of course, for a minute before replying. He had needed a minute to get himself under control as he had wanted to freak out and demand what Sam knew.

"Don't be disgusting," Dean replied, heading to the fridge to get a beer. When he turned back around, beer now in hand, Sam had on one of his bitch faces.

"How is that disgusting Dean?"

Dean felt his face burn, because he hadn't meant for those exact words to come out, it's as if they popped out of his mouth all on their own. The hunter was always speaking before thinking.

"What's disgusting?" Jo's voice made both men jump. How the hell could they call themselves hunters when someone managed to sneak up on them?

"Sam's face," Dean automatically replied, dipping down to place a kiss on Jo's cheek and before Sam could protest, Dean asked Jo. "So whatchu been up to? This is the first I've seen of your beautiful face since the last time we went on a hunt together." Which was a month ago.

Jo blushed. "Stop that," she said, swatting his arm and grabbing the beer he had out of his hand. Before Dean could protest she took a chug out of it. "So what's left to make?" She asked blinking innocently at Dean who was shooting glares her way.

Dean sighed, and went to grab another beer.

"I think we're just all about done. I still think we should have waited to make this tommorrow, everything is just going to get cold sitting around."

Jo raised an eyebrow. "This food is for tonight to eat. Everyone's going to be here soon and they've all been driving for hours and they're going to be hungry."

"Wait, are you telling me I just made tonight's dinner and not the food for Thanksgiving?" Sam asked incredulously, looking around at all the food Bobby had forced him to make.

"You think I trusted you idjits to make our Thanksgiving dinner?" Bobby said, coming into the kitchen, giving a little snort. "Please, I may have been born at night, but it sure as hell won't last night."

Sam spluttered, "But – but…"

Dean chugged the rest of his beer, drowning out all their bickering.

"…invite the angel?" Dean blinked and focused back on the conversation, since now the bickering was over as Sam and Jo set the table.

"What?" Dean asked.

"I said," Sam started, taking the stack of plates from Bobby. "If you were going to invite Cas?"

Dean on the inside was dying to do just that. But he simply just shrugged. "He's angel. He doesn't eat."

Some part of Dean always had a problem with the fact that Cas was an angel, but once they started having sex, Dean found he liked Cas just the way he was, except for the fact that he had a dick, Dean liked it, it was just he couldn't get the little voice out of his head saying it was wrong. And Cas being an angel had its uses. Having sex with an Angel of the Lord was the best sex Dean has ever had and will ever have.

But now he probably ruined it, and that would be fine, Dean – even if it hurt – could live without sex, he just wanted Cas. He wanted to do girly things with Cas like take him out on a date and cuddle in bed while watching a movie. Dean wanted to stay up all night with the angel, talking about everything and yet nothing at all.

What did the angel expect Dean to do? Announce at Thanksgiving dinner that he was gay? Start making out with Cas in front of everyone? Hell no, Dean couldn't do that, he just couldn't. His throat dried up at the thought of it. What if Sam made Dean choose between the angel and him? Maybe once upon a time Dean would have for sure picked Sam, but now…he just didn't know.

"You should still invite him," Sam insisted.

"If you want him here so bad, you invite him," Dean practically snarled before storming out of the room. He knew he was being totally obvious, but as he made his way out to the junkyard, but he just couldn't bring himself to care because he realized something.

He fucking loves an Angel of the Lord.

* * *

"Cas please," Dean begged as he prayed, sitting next to a beat up truck. He had been pleading with the angel for the last five minutes. "Fine!" He stood up, throwing his hands into the air in frustration. "Be a little bitch then."

After a few short seconds he pinched the bridge of his nose.

_C'mon Cas, I – I'm sorry. _

"Cas man, I lo – " Dean coughed, clearing his throat. "I lo – Fuck!" Why was this so damn hard? It shouldn't be this hard!

Dean looked all around him to find that no, Cas did not show up. Dean's heart felt like it was being torn strip by strip. Oh god, what if he fucked it all up for good? What if he couldn't fix this?

"Dean?" Dean spun around and saw Sam, holding a beer and looking confused. "You ok man?" Sam offered Dean the beer in his hand. Dean took it gratefully. All he wanted now was to just get shit faced.

"Were you standing there this whole time like a stalker?" Dean asked, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

Sam frowned. "No, I just got out here. Why? What were you doing?"

Dean held back a blush. "Nothing, just, can't a man have his privacy?!"

Sam gave Dean one of his bitch faces. "So Dean, about Jeremy – "

"Sam, just leave it," Dean said, clenching his jaw and turning away from his little brother. He didn't want to talk about the past, he didn't want to talk about Jeremy and he just didn't want to talk. He wanted to be left alone in his misery as he tried to think up a way to get Cas back without having to come out the closet.

There was a long pause and Dean thought Sam had left, but then Sam was talking again. "Dean did Dad ever beat you?"

Dean snorted. "Trust me Sammy, Dad never did anything to me that I didn't deserve." And Dean meant those words too.

"He was the one to put you in the hospital that one time, wasn't he? It was never a werewolf was it?" Sam demanded an answer.

Dean turned around to face his brother and shook his head. "Look, I know what you think about Dad, but trust me, he had his reasons."

John had only been trying to make a man out of Dean, to make a good hunter and he was only doing what he thought was best. Dean should have been punished more, if anything, at least that's how he saw it.

"How can you say that? Dean," Sam shook his head and looked at Dean with puppy dog eyes, his eyes filling with sadness. "I'm so sorry that you had it shitty like that." Sam's face hardened. "If Dad was alive I'd kill him."

"Don't say that!" Dean was getting angry himself. Here Sam was, saying John was wrong and it gave Dean hope. But then that hope was snatched away quickly when he realized Sam had no idea why John did what he did. Sam never heard the names John called Dean. "Faggot, gay, an abomination, sick, disgusting." Sam never heard those words leave John's mouth, didn't know that with each word he'd punch Dean as if trying to nail those words into Dean's head.

"Fine, but Dean, I just wanted to say…I love you, no matter what, I'll always love you, you're my brother."

Dean felt sad, and panicked. One day Sam might find out about Dean not just being into women, but also men and he'd hate Dean, probably never want to see him again. And then what would Dean do? Who would Dean have then? Cas? Ha! Cas was nowhere to be seen, he'd ditched Dean the moment things got too complicated.

Self-hate and loathing so strong hit Dean that he almost stumbled. Instead he schooled his features and looked at Sam with a smirk.

"Whatever you say Sammy, now can we stop with the girly moments and go in and get more beer? Maybe a wine cooler for you?"

Sam frowned. "Dean – "

"Nope, not going to hear it." Dean was seconds away from covering his ears and screaming "lalala"

"Dean, stop being so childish and listen – "

"Dean." Dean jumped and spun around, coming face to face with Cas. The angel looked like he had a rough night and his hair was sticking up all over the place. Dean was torn between smashing his lips with the angel and running away.

"Dude, where have you been? I've been trying to call you." Dean scowled, hating the way he sounded like a lovesick teenage girl.

Cas just glared at him and Dean gulped, staying silent. Dean just had to look into the angel's eyes and knew without words that Cas had been ignoring him purposely. Of course he had. The angel was still mad at Dean and also hurt.

Cas looked over at Sam and then back at Dean. "I'm here now." Dean knew what the angel was trying to do, he was trying to give Dean a chance to make them official, to announce to Sam that they were together. He had a feeling that if Dean just told one person, anyone in Dean's life, about Cas, then Cas would be happy.

"You are," Dean nodded, licking his lips and trying to think of what to do. Looking into Cas eyes, he wanted to do whatever the angel wanted him to do, he wanted to make the sadness in his eyes go away and be replaced by happiness. But then he looked over at Sam.

Sam was just looking at them with an raised eyebrow and it looked like he was trying to work something out in his head.

Oh god no, Sam was going to figure it out. Heck, Dean was probably making it obvious, looking at the angel like he was.

There was a long awkward silence as everyone tried to figure out what to say. Or at least, as Dean tried to figure out what to say.

Then the angel sighed. "Sam," the angel turned to address the younger hunter and Dean's heart nearly stopped, thinking Cas was going to spill the beans for him. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to decline your offer."

Dean was confused. "What offer?"

"You sure?" Sam asked with a frown, looking disappointed.

Cas looked over at Dean and then back at Sam as if trying to decide something.

Dean, having enough of being ignored, asked his brother, "What the hell's going on?"

"I'm just inviting Cas to Thanksgiving dinner, you know, like you told me to do earlier."

Dean blinked at his brother, confused as to why he would lie, but then he was taken aback when he looked over at Cas to see the angel had so much hope in his eyes and no way was he going to hurt his feelings.

"Really Dean? You want me there?" Cas asked, face softening.

"Of course Cas, I told you already, you're family now."

Dean wanted to kiss the angel so badly when he saw what those words did the Cas, the angel just seemed to glow with happiness. Dean had a feeling they were going to be ok now, Cas was going to forgive him and Dean would have to be sure to do nice things for the angel and just try and keep Cas's mind off of the fact that they had to sneak around.

Dean smiled widely back at the angel, forgetting all about Sam and feeling happier than ever.

"I'll be there," Cas promised and it was all Dean needed to hear.

* * *

"C'mon! I'm the one who cooked dinner! I should get the guest room!" Sam complained.

"Now listen here boy, someone my age just cannot sleep on a sofa!" Ellen scowled Sam.

Everyone was fighting for the guest room, all but Dean who had already called sleeping in the panic room, glad that they had put a better bed in it.

"Ok idgits and Ellen, this is how it's going to go. Ellen and Jo sleep in the guest room, I put a cot in there for you Jo," Bobby said, having coming into the room with an armful of blankets. He tossed the blankets down on the floor with a huff. "Sam, you sleep on the couch, and grab one of these blankets. Kevin will be here in five minutes so you can tell him he can sleep on a pile of blankets on the floor. Heck, the little fella can fit anywhere…"

Dean headed down to the basement, not even bothering to say goodnight to anyone. He had a feeling when the angel disappeared earlier that he'd be back. The look Cas had given him had said it all.

The moment he shut the door to the panic room, hands were placed lightly on his hips. Dean smiled where he was, facing towards the door.

"Dean," Cas practically purred into his ear.

"Cas," Dean said with a smile, about to turn around, but the hands on his hips had him staying still.

The hunter shivered as the angel started kissing his neck in a way that was sure to leave hickies. Dean could always tell Cas to heal him later, at the moment it felt too good to make the angel stop.

"Cas," Dean whispered hoarsely, trying to move back to grind up against the angel. Dean grumbled in annoyance when his lover's hands gripped his hips tighter, keeping him in place. "Dammit Cas, don't do this to me!"

"Shh," Cas whispered into his ear, causing the hunter to shiver again. "Don't want the others to hear do you?" Cas asked, taunting him, reaching forward to rub his warm palm against Dean's hard on. "Don't want them to wake up and come down here do you? Don't want your baby brother to see what his big brother is up to, do you?" Cas was jerking him off and rubbing his own hard on against Dean's ass now.

Dean panted. "You're such an ass."

Cas was smirking when he finally allowed Dean to turn and face him.

Dean took the opportunity to kiss Castiel's lips. The hunter cupped the angel's face and kissed him softly. The kiss was sweet and it caused Cas to moan Dean's name. Dean had meant it to be rough, had meant to start jerking the angel off too, maybe even suck him off. But then Dean placed his lips against Cas's and realized he missed the angel. Yes, they had been barley apart, but earlier Dean thought he had ruined it all and the thought of never seeing Cas again had scared him.

"Dean," Cas whispered, his breath mingling with Dean's. In the angel's voice, Dean could hear his happiness and hurt and it was all on Dean.

"Cas," Dean let his eyes flutter closed as Cas pressed another kiss to his lips. They were now wrapped in each other's arms, neither wanting to move, even to continue on to have sex.

In that moment both men just felt content to hold one another.

A few minutes, seconds, hours later – they didn't keep up with time – they were both shirtless and only wearing boxers as they laid wrapped up together in bed. Dean wouldn't call it cuddling, but that's exactly what it was. Dean was laying on his side with the angel behind him, pressed up close. Cas had his arm thrown over Dean's waist and Dean was holding Cas's hand.

Dean couldn't help but think how perfectly they fit together. It was a really girly thought to have, but Dean couldn't help it since they were doing a very girly thing by spooning.

The hunter couldn't believe that they didn't even have sex. That holding each other had been enough for them. They hadn't even talked at all, but damn, the way Dean was feeling right now…it was loved, he felt loved.

And he also felt love. Love for the angel.

"Cas…" Dean gathered his courage and was glad the angel wasn't looking at him, because then he'd lose his nerve. "I love you."

* * *

Sam wasn't stupid. He saw the way Dean and Cas were looking at each other. The moment Dean stormed from the room angry, earlier, he knew the two must be fighting and he knew it was his job as little brother to get involved and fix it because Dean was too stubborn to do it himself. What Sam didn't know is if they were already together and sneaking around or if they hadn't gotten there yet. The way the two were looking at each other, Sam would guess Cas had confessed his feelings to Dean and even though Dean felt the same way, probably turned him down because he couldn't move passed what John did to him.

The bastard John had beat Dean up for being gay. Sam wanted his dad to be alive just to kick his ass. The helpless, scared look on Dean's face when Sam was talking about John, angered Sam because he knew Dean had taken what Dad did to the heart. Heck, it would be a real surprise if Dean and Cas really were getting together. Dean probably was beating himself up for it too.

Sam knew he'd be having another conversation with Dean soon and this time Sam knew he'd have to be straight forward, no being around the bush. Next time he'd tell Dean he knew he was gay and that he didn't care, that family didn't turn their back on family, no matter what.

All Sam wanted was for Dean to be finally and truly happy.

**This is meant to be a short story so it'll be ending in the next chapter or two. **


	5. Chapter 5

So far Thanksgiving was going well. The turkey was only slightly burnt, but with a lot of gravy it wasn't noticeable. No one was fighting, every time Sam and Dean started to bicker Ellen would set the straight. And even though Cas didn't need to, he was eating.

The room was loud and filled with joyful chatter and laughter.

"The meal was very appetizing, thank you," Cas said after finishing all the food on his plate. He stood up where he had been sitting next to Dean. Bobby and Jody Mills on one end of the table, Dean and Cas on the other end and Sam, Jo and Ellen were sitting across from Kevin and Garth. The table was basically two rectangle plastic tables pushed together. And Dean and Cas were practically pushed together, which was why they chose the spot to sit in in the first place.

"You're very welcome," Ellen said proudly, having made just about everything with Jody Mills and Garth.

"Wait, where you going?" Dean asked, looking up at the angel who looked ready to fly away.

Cas looked down at Dean in confusion. "I've finished eating, is there something else you require me to do?"

"No Cas, I don't _require_ you to do anything," Dean mocked. "Thanksgiving isn't about eating, it's about family, and you know, getting together. So go grab beers for everyone and then sit your feathery butt down."  
Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Yeah Cas, stay," Sam said, looking overly concerned about the thought of the angel leaving. This made Dean shoot his younger brother a confused look.

Cas blinked slowly and Dean noticed there was a beer at everyone's elbow, except Garth who had a wine cooler in front of him, much to everyone's amusement. The angel had a sense of humor after all.

Dean turned to Cas to see he was sitting down. "Thanks man," Dean reached under the table and squeezed Castiel's thigh. The angel's facial expression didn't change, but Dean saw the way his eyes darkened with want.

Dean smiled down at his plate, knowing he was the only one who could read Cas and know what he was feeling.

"Something funny Dean?" Sam asked, noticing Dean's sudden smile. Everyone now had their own conversations going, but Dean and Cas and it was weird to Sam and then Dean went smiled. Sam was relieved because he had thought the two were fighting. But Dean didn't look tense at all from sitting so close to Cas. He actually looked more relaxed than Sam had ever seen him.

Dean's genuine smile turned false. "Nothing for you to worry your pretty head about Sammy."

Sam gave Dean a bitch face, but Dean pretended he didn't notice as he went back to shoveling food into his mouth.

Dean took back his hand, least anyone noticed. Which they wouldn't because there was an oversized tablecloth on the table that covered their legs from view.

Cas had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at Dean's paranoia.

Cas knew about Dean's father of course, he was the one who put the man back together. Even though Cas knew everything there was to know about him, Cas was still confused by the hunter.

Dean didn't look down on those who were into the same-sex, but when it came to himself, he saw it as disgusting, something to be ashamed of.

Cas had tried explaining to Dean that it wasn't wrong, but natural that people liked other people, not just for what was between their legs, and that his father was wrong and humans needed to stop labeling everyone's sexuality.

"Do you want me to find a way to bring him back to life, so that I can tell him personally, as an Angel of the Lord, that I know for a fact homosexuality isn't wrong and then afterwards smite him for his ignorance?" Castiel had asked Dean some time ago. Of course he wouldn't smite the human for being ignorant. A lot of humans were. No, Castiel felt anger on Dean's behalf at how John had reacted towards Dean fornicating with another male. Cas felt very protective over Dean and loved him and anything that hurt the hunter, hurt Castiel.

Cas reached out under the table and started to stroke Dean's leg, smirking on the inside when Dean very nearly choked on his food.

Castiel could use his powers to stroke Dean without even having to touch him, that way even if someone was looking at Dean's whole body, they wouldn't see it, but Cas would rather feel Dean himself. Cas moved his hand higher up Dean's leg, keeping his face a blank mask so no one would notice.

Jo was currently talking about guns, asking Dean what he thought about a certain one. Dean stuttered out a reply as he tried to push Cas's hand off of him.

Cas added a few words to everyone's conversations as he rubbed Dean's leg, feeling frustrated that Dean wouldn't let him pass a certain point. It was frustrating.

"Cas you ok?" Sam asked, noticing the look on Cas's face.

"I'm fine Sam. I was just thinking about the stubbornness of men."

Sam smiled. "Then you must have been thinking about Dean. He's the poser boy for stubbornness."

Everyone laughed.

"Very funny Sam, freaking hilarious. Maybe you should become a comedian," Dean spoke using sarcasm.  
Cas decided it was time to use his celestial hands.

"I know right? I should!" Sam said proudly.

Dean opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a squeak as he jumped in his chair.  
Everyone, even Cas, looked over at Dean in confusion and surprise.

Dean froze.

"What's gotten into you boy?" Bobby asked with raised eyebrows.

"Cat got your tongue or somethin'?" Ellen asked, taking a swig of her beer as Dean continued to stay silent.

Cas knew he was just trying to get a hold of himself, as Cas was stroking Dean's cock inside his pants with invisible fingers.

"Um, n-no I'm good, just uh." Not being able to think of a good excuse, or any excuse at the moment, Dean grabbed his beer and chugged it. "Carry on," he said waving his hand at the others.

Sheriff Mills snorted. Kevin just hook his head. Garth looked like he was already drunk and not even paying attention as to what was going on as he devoured the chocolate pie on his plate.

They all - except for Garth - looked at him for a second longer, before slowly going back to eating and talking about nothing really of importance.

Cas imagined in his head, sucking Dean's balls into his mouth. Next to him, Dean nearly fell out his seat.

Dean kicked Castiel's foot to tell him to cut it out. At least he had thought it was the angel's foot.

"Did you just kick me?" Sam asked his brother as if he couldn't believe how childish Dean was.  
Dean sent Cas a dark look out of the corner of his eyes, before smirking at Sam.

"I was trying to stretch my leg, it's not my fault you're so giant that you take up all the leg room."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Jerk."

"Bitch." Dean was glad that was all he had to say because he was getting a serious hard on and it was pressing against his zipper. The damn angel was abusing his powers and using them on Dean.

When invisible fingers started playing with his hole, one shoving inside of him, Dean had to stop himself from pushing back into his seat and then forward into the invisible hand that was jerking him off. He didn't know how it was possible that Cas was able to fit invisible hands into his pants, but also manage to jerk him off. It went from painfully slow to fast and squeezing him slightly and then back to slow again.

Cas was really trying to kill him.

Dean thought he was going to die when a second pretend finger entered him. Fake hands shoulder feel so good goddammit!

Dean shoved a bite of pie into his mouth and moaned as if the pie was so delicious, and it was, but it wasn't the cause of Dean's moan.

He was so going to kill Cas after dinner. The thought of making Cas a bottom tonight crossed Dean's mind. He was so going to get Cas back. Make him beg Dean for forgiveness.

"'S good!" He explained through a mouthful of half chewed pie. "Thanks for making my favorite kind of pie Jo," he complemented, trying to distract himself from what was happening in his pants.

"If you continue to make noises like that while eating it, I'll have to make more," Jo joked.

Sam rolled his eyes, finding no amusement in the way Dean was being obscene with his food.

Dean winked at Jo. Ellen, not liking where the conversation was going, changed the conversation, getting Jo's attention. Kevin started asking Sam nerdy things that Dean didn't want to listen to.

The touches flattered and stopped. Dean looked over at Cas.

"Something wrong Cas?" he whispered, not wanting the others to hear.

"Nothing," Cas said, looking away. Dean knew that look, it was the Sam look he got when Dean once called him a 'baby in a trench coat'. Cas was upset with Dean. And Dean had no idea why. He tried running everything he did over in his head, but he was coming up blank.

Cas continued to ignore Dean and Dean only felt slightly glad that he no longer had a hard on with his family so close by, but also felt disappointed.

Dinner finished and after mostly cleaning up, everyone moved into the living room. Dean waited for everyone to leave the kitchen, before grabbing the angel's arm, stopping him from going with them.

"Ok, what's up?" Dean demanded an answer, but kept his voice low.

"Nothing of import," Cas said with narrowed eyes. He looked like he was itching to smite someone. Dean knew then if they were having sex that night, he'd have to be a bottom because the look in Cas eyes were of pure jealousy. Dean rolled his eyes inwardly and at the same time gulped, both annoyed and turned on by the fact that Cas looked jealous. But of what? Dean didn't know.

"What did I do now?" Dean asked, looking over to make sure no one was watching them.

"I just don't understand why you aren't with Jo. It would only be practical. Not only is she good with the weaponry, she can cook your favorite food. Plus she has breast, something I know you appreciate."

Dean stared at the angel dumbly, recalling Jo flirting and Dean flirting right back. Heck, he even winked at her. But Dean hadn't thought anything of it. Jo was like a sister.

A sister he once thought about banging, but that was besides the point.

"Cas," Dean shook his head, stepping closer. He looked over to the living room. Everyone was joking and laughing and shots were being passed around. Sam even had Garth in a headlock. No one was paying attention to the two of them in the kitchen.

"I'm not with Jo or anyone for that matter because I don't want to be with anyone else. I just want to be with you."

Cas looked at him for a long second, his eyes wide and all kinds of emotions played across his features, wonder, hope, love... Before Dean could stop him, Cas was right in face.

"Dean," he whispered, grabbing Dean's face and planting a kiss right on his lips.

Dean, wanted so badly to kiss him back, the look his Castiel's eyes had him wanting to melt, but Dean was all too aware of the fact that there was no longer noise coming from the living room. It was completely silent.

Dean grabbed the front of Castiel's coat and shoved him back. To his surprise, Cas actually stumbled back, instead of staying rooted in place.  
"What the fuck man?!" Dean pretended to be appalled and disturbed as he looked at the angel. Cas bit his lip looking at Dean and then over at everyone in the living room.

Dean turned and stormed out of the house. Cas's shoulder's slumped.

Sam watched all this with a frown. Yeah, it was definitely time to have that chat with Dean, he thought as Cas disappeared with the sound of wings flapping.

Dean was surprised when Cas appeared before him in the junk yard. Dean leaned against an old rusty van that was missing parts. Like the side doors.

"So what was that?" Dean asked calmly, as Cas stepped closer.

"I'm sorry Dean," Cas said in a way that didn't sound sorry at all. The angel looked away. "When you said those things...I couldn't control myself, there were all these emotions and they were choking me...I couldn't...I'm sorry," Cas looked down at the ground, looking defeated.

"Come here," Dean commanded softly.

The angel looked up and without having to be told twice, moved forward into Dean's personal space.

Dean moaned as Cas gripped his hips tightly and beginning to kiss him, opened mouthed.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered. "So sorry." He felt like shit, embarrassing Cas in front of everyone and once again denying him.

Cas didn't reply, just shoved Dean back against the van, gripping the hunter's hair and kissing him savagely and bruisingly. Cas wasn't even going to kid himself any longer. He was completely in love with Dean and no matter what Dean did, Cas would always forgive him, would always go back to him.

Dean felt like the scum of the Earth and wanted to make it up the angel who deserved so much better.

Cas grind his hips into Dean's, rubbing their growing erections against each others. The two men climbed into the open van. Dean laid on the seat, spreading his legs for Cas. The angel looked down at the hunter, thinking of all the dirty things they could so as he moved to lay in between Dean's legs.

Dean knew he had a choice to make.

He was either going to step out of the closet and announce to his family that he was in love with a certain angel. Or Dean was going to be a coward and let Cas go.

Either way, Dean knew he couldn't keep causing Cas pain and keep hurting him like this.

"I love you," Dean gasped against the angel's lips as Cas shoved up Dean's shirt. Castiel paused, looking into the Righteous Man's eyes, seeing the truth in his words.

"I know you do," Cas whispered, leaning down to nibble on Dean's bottom lip. "But how much?" Cas was wondering if he'd always be Dean's dirty little secret.

Cas had been noticing and watching couples lately, and Cas was starting to want. He wanted Dean to throw his arm over his shoulder, looking down at him with undisguised love, no caring who watched.

Dean smiled. "I don't know, it's not something I can measure."

"Let me erase your memories of John's hatred for gays," Cas found himself saying. He didn't know where it came from, as he hadn't even been thinking it.

Dean paused from what he was doing, but his hand remained where it was, on Cas's belt buckle.

Dean actually looked like he was considering it. "No, no way man. I don't want you messing around in my head."

Cas frowned, running his fingertip down the side of Dean's face.

"Why do humans have to be so complicated?" he asked with a frown.

"On behalf of all humans, I'm sorry," Dean said, taking the angel's belt off, and bucking his hips upward as Cas started kissing his neck.

"Dean?!"

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Sam's voice. He was somewhere nearby, shouting out.

Cas actually groaned. "We'll continue this later." After giving Dean a peck on the lips, causing the hunter to blush, Cas was gone and Dean's clothes were rightened.

"Dean where are you? C'mon man, I need to talk to you!" Sam sounded closer now.

Dean jumped out the van, leaning up against it, trying to act all causal as Sam rounded the corner.

Sam looked relieved at having found Dean, but then his expression turned stormy. "We need to talk," Sam said.

Dean didn't feel in the mood to talk to his cockblocking brother, but with a sigh he said, "Ok so talk."


	6. Chapter 6

"I know," Sam said the words as if Dean would know what he was talking about. The flutter of Dean's heart suggested he did know and Dean was scared. "And honestly Dean, I'm kind of pissed."

Dean hung his head. He knew this would one day come. Everything around him was crumbling down and he was about to lose his family. He was glad at least, that he had Thanksgiving dinner to savor as a memory.

"I mean I'm your brother! You should have told me!"

Dean looked up, now confused. "What?"

"You're gay, so what? And not only that you're trying your hardest to be something you're not. This is just so like you!" Sam shook his head, walking back and front, getting himself worked up for a rant.

Dean was in complete shock, but watching his brother move so much was making him nauseous. He reached out and placed a firm hand on his brother's shoulder.

"What are you trying to say?" Dean half whispered, looking into his brother's eyes. "You're not - You don't...mind?" Dean was hating this, he wanted this chickflick moment to be over already, but he needed to hear his brother say it, say he wasn't disgusted with the fact that Dean was into dudes.

Sam shook his head with a laugh. "No man, c'mon, how could you think that of me? What Dad did," Sam shook his head. "That was wrong."

They both stayed silent for the longest time. Dean looking into his brother's eyes to make sure he wasn't lying and then looking away when he didn't see anything snide or any disgust in his brother's expression.

Dean kicked at the rocks on the ground, not looking up as he shrugged. "Ok then, I guess..." Dean coughed, not knowing what else to do.  
"So," Sam smiled, or more like smirked. "Cas huh?"

"Shut up," Dean said, but not in a harsh way.

Sam frowned. "What you did back there to him, that was pretty shitty, even for you." Of course Sam would end up lecturing him about not kissing Cas back instead of being gay. Dean should have known.

"Whatever Sammy, he shouldn't have jumped me like that." At the mention of Cas, Dean just wanted Sam to go away so Cas could come back and they could finish what they started.

It felt like there was a weight that was not lifted off his shoulders now that he knew his kid brother didn't mind at all.

"So even though I'm super cool with you being gay and all, that doesn't mean I won't think twice about making jokes and picking on you," Sam admitted with a smile.

Dean rolled his eyes, already knowing this. If the roles were reversed, Dean would have been already be torturing Sam with jokes, calling him the girl in the relationship and crap like that.

"This doesn't mean anything, you're still the bitch," Dean said, moving to walk back to the house.

"Uhuh, sure, so, which one of you is catching?"

Dean spun around and looked at his brother in horror, the tips of his ears turning red.

Sam bellowed out a laugh and didn't stop until Dean glared at him. "Chill man, I'm just messing with you."

Dean rolled his eyes and continued back to the house.

The whole way back Sam kept asking questions like, "How long has this been going on?" "When's the wedding?" "Have you ever done anything while I was in the room?" "You do know that you aren't ever rooming with me anymore right?"

"Are you going to tell the others?" Sam asked as the were about to walk up the porch.

Dean just shrugged, but knew he would. He wanted to for Cas, who understandably didn't want to be hidin' away anymore and because the only reason he'd been holding back was in fear of losing Sammy. And now that Sam knew and it didn't bother him then he'd tell the others and if they didn't approve then to hell with them, he had Cas and Sam still.

When they got inside, everyone was still drinking, sitting around talking and laughing.

Dean went straight to the kitchen as Sam joined the others. He felt eyes watching him, but he just grabbed a beer, popped it open and silently said, "Cas come back." Before he could say more there was the sound of wings flapping and looking up he saw Cas standing next to him, giving him a half smile.

"Dean," he greeted, his eyes light as if he knew the conversation Sam and Dean had and he was glad that it was out now.

Without thinking it over, Dean moved, gripping the back of Cas's neck and pulling him forward, meeting his lips. Cas gasped in surprise, but soon he was pressed up against Dean, kissing him just as fiercely.

Dean took a long gulp of his beer, too afraid to look over at the others.

Cas never took his eyes off of Dean. The look he was giving Dean made Dean want to melt and his heart was soaring. If Dean knew Cas would look at him like that from kissing him in front of everyone, he'd had done it sooner, and would do it more often. Cas was looking at him like the world revolved around him, he looked at him with so much love and affection that it made Dean want to fall to his knees.

Dean blinked as Cas whirled around to face the others. Dean snuck a glance at everyone. Pretty much shock registered on everyone's face. Except Ellen and Bobby and Sam. Sam looked like he was about to start saying "AWW!" Ellen and Bobby were watching them with an unreadable expression.

"I'm an Angel of the Lord," Cas said, "So I know for a fact that this isn't wrong," Cas gestured between himself and Dean. "And if anyone wants to argue about it then they can take it up with me," Cas held up his hand as if he was ready to smite everyone.

Dean shivered at Cas's smity tone, realizing all over again how powerful he was. Cas was a freaking solider of Heaven, it couldn't get anymore badass than that.

The fact that Cas had dealt with Dean's shit was beyond Dean. Cas could have anyone he wanted, heck he deserved someone way better than Dean. Yet here he was, ready to smite anyone who was going to be negative about their relationship, knowing it would hurt Dean if they started talking bad about their relationship.

"Whoa!" Sam held up his hands, always the peacemaker. Everyone took a step back, not wanting anywhere near Cas's hand that could burn out their eyeballs.

"Cas," Dean smiled, grabbed his wrist and pulled it down, running his hand down and twining their hands together, Cas looked down at the joined hands with a smile.

When Dean looked up, Jo was smiling and shaking her head. Jody was giving him a thumbs up, Kevin was shaking his head, but smiling too, and Gareth had his hand over his heart as if it was the most beautiful moment. As for Ellen and Bobby, Ellen was smiling at Bobby and Bobby was handing her money.

"Bobby? Ellen? What the hell?" Dean looked at them with a scowl.

"Oh c'mon boy! I might be old, but I aint blind. Ellen noticed it too and we ended up making a bet."  
"I knew you two lovebirds would be a couple one day."

"I'd never thought you'd have the balls to admit your feelings. Denial, it's the Winchester way," Bobby looked bitter at having lost money.  
Ellen laughed, "Don't be such a sore loser!" She slapped him on the back.

"Bobby! What the hell? I asked you the other day if you thought Dean was hiding something and you acted like you had no idea what I was talking about!" Sam practically yelled.

"Boy hush it up. When isn't Dean hiding something? It could have been anything! Besides, Ellen and I made this bet years ago."  
Dean stared at everyone in shock as they all started to argue and everyone got offended as they hadn't been included in the bet.  
Dean turned to Cas.

Cas held up his fingers and stared as Dean as if to ask if Dean wanted to get out of here.  
Dean smiled and nodded.

"Have fun on your honeymoon!" He heard Sam shout before he was suddenly transported to a room. Dean looked around to find they were in a cabin.

"Where do you want to go?" Cas asked him. "I want us to go out," Cas said. "I know you like food so I was going to bring you to a food establishment, but since we already ate...maybe a movie?" Cas looked hopeful.

Dean smiled. "Of course Cas, whatever you want."


End file.
